do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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