Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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