got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
