I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
