I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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