you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
