Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
