I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
