You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
