3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
