Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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