i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
