it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
