I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
