Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
