Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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