She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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