3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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