the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
