Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
