Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
