I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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