hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
