I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
