ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize