We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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