the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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