You can't special order awesome
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
