He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
