I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When are your genitals available?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
