When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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