did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize