Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
