I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the room spins SO much faster in panama
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
