Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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