Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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