tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
