Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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