cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We are all done wearing pants today
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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