Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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