I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
