I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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