I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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