New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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