i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
