This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
