You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
