Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dicks are not precious.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
