we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize