You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
