I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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