...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
whose ass print is on the piano?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
