my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
