I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
