I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
