If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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