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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
