best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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