Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
