And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
