that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
