I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
