i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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