is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
