so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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