Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
