I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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