He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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