I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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