i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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