We're like a lot better than the average bears
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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