oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
