Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
