I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
