I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He kissed a someone with a penis
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
