its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
