our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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