Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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